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Showing posts with label Weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weight. Show all posts

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Kind Of Bored On A Sunday Afternoon

Dear Diary,

It's an unusually quiet Sunday afternoon here in Paradise. I'm just sitting around with the cats and feeling about as lazy as they look!

Wife's working until 5 tonight so I'm just trying to get the house a little bit back together.
Being constantly tethered to a 25-foot oxygen tube is getting old. I tend to keep tripping over the damn thing.

Things have been going a little slow with that because I've been plagued with a persistent case of the trots since I got up this morning. I hate it when that happens! Probably due to the ingestion of too much hot sauce, LOL!

I've got a routine appointment coming up in a couple of days with Dr E, my GP.
He will doubtless be upset about my unfortunate weight gain.
I do realize that probably at least 50 to 60% of this is my fault but I'm still wondering if the hormone that I'm taking for the prostate cancer isn't at least partially to blame.
I'm going to be talking with him about that as well as letting him know that I'm hooking up with a bariatric specialist.

I'm currently at 290 lb and my breathing is beginning to be compromised again. I just seem to have lost my taste for the low-carb high-fat diet that I was on and I don't understand why that would happen.

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I'm planning on discussing the technique of intermittent fasting with the bariatric person. I've never tried it.
Maybe she will have some insights that I'm not aware of.

Lately, for some reason, I seem to have lost my taste for hard liquor. I don't know how that came about but the only thing that I have a taste, for now, is beer and wine and beer is pretty much out of the question so I'm down to just drinking a couple of glasses of wine every once in awhile. Whether I keep on drinking wine depends on how it affects my blood glucose.
My alcohol consumption has seriously diminished which I guess is for the best.
I'm happy to say that I haven't had any significant bouts of fatigue or depression in98 the past few weeks. This is a new, hopefully, upward trend. I hope it doesn't mean that the Lupron isn't working anymore!

As far as the Lupron goes, I really must be one of the lucky ones because going on a year of ADT, I really haven't had any significant side effects whatsoever but I've mentioned that before in previous posts.
If I sound repetitive from time to time, it's because my memory is not what it used to be and that is due to the hormone.

Believe it or not, now that the weather is getting a little better, I'm actually considering trying to get out and do some walking at least every other day. There is very little I could do that would be better for me!
I may also be able to start getting in a little tiny bit of outside work around the house which would be beneficial to my health as well.

I really am trying to start moving forward with these goals but this type of thing has always been hard for me, even in the best of times.

Well, enough rambling for today.
Wish me luck at the doctors on Tuesday!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Friday, March 09, 2018

Is It A cold Or Just Spring Fever?

Dear Diary,

I woke up this morning with a scratchy throat. Thought at first it was a side effect of trying my wife's CPAP nasal pillows instead of my usual full face mask. Lo and behold, at the end of today, it's still there.
I've been feeling kind of "off" for a few days now with a really stuffy, runny nose. I've been trying to blame my wife, spring fever or at least, the two cats but now I think something else is afoot. Hmmmm!

We went out to lunch with one of our close friends today and (of course) stuffing ourselves to the very gills. Now I'm gonna feel like a beached whale for the rest of the night!
Probably gonna skip supper and just have a little soup later.

The weather's starting to turn cloudy again for the next few days and I may be feeling the effects of that as well.
It's a good night to retire early and read in bed with a kitty on my chest. I'm so glad I have that luxury! It's not all bad being dirt poor! ;)


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Wednesday, March 07, 2018

Today's Six Minute Walk

Dear Diary,

Just had my latest six-minute walk at St Joe's this morning. Despite my recent weight gain of 28 pounds, I only lost 7 meters in distance from the last time which really surprised me.
Their baseline goal is 400 meters in six minutes. So far, I have always come up short of that.
They really want me to get my BMI down to 33, minimally before they will even consider surgery.
My current calculated BMI is 40 and getting it down to 33 would require me to go from my current weight of 288 to 235 before they would seriously consider cracking my chest open.
This is not an easy task! :(
I am going to follow their advice and have a consultation with one of their bariatric docs. I'm not too optimistic that she will be able to help but I'll at least give it a shot.

Medicare kicked in exactly as expected, thank goodness and we had zero payments or co-pays for today's visit. :)

Today was officially my 65th birthday but I don't feel a day over 90, LOL! Trying to decide if I should allow myself a nice, big chunk of birthday cake!!! Updates to follow.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Tuesday, March 06, 2018

Probably Set Up To Fail!

Dear Diary,

Alas, the ill-fated six-minute walk at St Joe's is actually tomorrow, the 7th, which also happens to be my 65th birthday. It will commence at 0830 hours and followed up with a consultation with Dr. O, the pulmonologist.

For some reason, I thought the appointment was farther out than that so, unfortunately, I have no time to lose any weight. The added 20 pounds will likely cause me to fail the test. I hope they can see that the weight is responsible for the failure and not disease progression!

This will also be the first time using Medicare so hopefully, that will go well.

*fifteen minutes pass*

Good news! I just got off the phone with the Health Insurance Marketplace and have successfully cancelled my primary insurance, effective March 20th.

Some potentially bad news. It appears Wal-Mart pharmacy is no longer honouring my prescription discount plan for Xarelto, offered by Janssen Pharmaceuticals.
This is bad because I have been eligible to get the drug without cost and now it appears I will have to fork over $200+ each and every month which is not possible for us.
Not sure if this has something to do with the transition to Medicare or not.

More on that later. Gotta go schedule a lab appointment now.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, March 04, 2018

Brief Late Night Musing

Dear Diary,

Just a quick post for now regarding my weight.

I have a six-minute walk scheduled within the next two weeks and I'm gonna fail it for sure unless I can drop a few pounds before then. I'm down a couple of pounds since my recent maximum of 289 but I'd really like to show up for the testing at around 279.

I'm still cramming in the carbs which is ridiculous. As a matter of fact, I just finished a large dinner of pasta and sauce (I passed on the garlic bread)!

I just don't understand why I let myself get like this!

More later.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Friday, February 16, 2018

Back From The Abyss...I Hope

Dear Diary,

Well, I guess I've survived the past two weeks of hell. That last post reflects the side of me that rears it's ugly head when I screw up my meds! I'm feeling better but still can't focus properly. I have a lot of trouble making simple choices. The high dose of sertraline helps me cope with the OCD but there is something else going on here as well. I'm still suspecting the Lupron.

Referring back to the last post, I was serious, living in metro Phoenix really does suck and dying here takes the cake. Arizona is beautiful but Phoenix has really turned into a hellhole of pollution, crime, and a major preponderance of assholes.
I swear if it wasn't for my wife, our two kitties and our little backyard sanctuary with its population of feral cats, raccoons, squirrels and various birds, I'd be in a 'rubber room' by now!

*nips on a glass of bourbon*

If I could only manage to get off these damn diuretics I'd be a lot happier. Do you have any idea what it's like to constantly piss all day long? I'm between a rock and a hard place with that. If I take them in the morning, I can't go out for the rest of the day without piss running down my leg. If I wait until the end of the day, I just piss all night in bed!
If I totally stop taking them, I will most likely re-develop pulmonary edema which would most likely land me back in the hospital for a week or so.

*another nip...slightly bigger*

I frequently ponder the question of how long I have left. Do I really want to know? I can't even make up my mind on that! Doesn't really matter though since nobody can tell me anyway.
Lying in bed at night, I often wonder what the status of the myxoma growing in my left atrium is. It's weird having something ticking away in your body that you can't feel and causes no symptoms yet could kill me abruptly, any day, any hour, any second.

One of my favorite followers just emailed me, just before I started to write this. Susan, I will get back to you real soon. I miss hearing from you too! Don't panic, things are cool.

Back to the blog. I can't really think of anything more to write about tonight so I'll log off with a pic of my co-authors. They are where the talent really lies! ;)


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Friday, February 09, 2018

Life's A Bitch...Then you Die

Dear Diary,
Woke up in a foul mood this morning after sleeping about 2 hours late. Wife's gone to work, no coffee made and my back hurts like hell
Pissing all over the floor trying to get a goddamn diaper on has gotten old long time ago!
I've got so fucking much work to do around this place that I'm totally overwhelmed
My weight is still out of control at 282 and I can't seem to do anything about that either.
I want to get mad and take out my frustrations by punching a wall but I can't even do that because I have no testosterone left.

I have no motivation to do a fucking thing.
To make matters worse, my wife has become so absorbed in her latest project that I rarely have a sounding board bounce things off from. Looks like I'm going to have to seriously look into a physical support group.
Maybe, with any luck we can find a good one and I can get her to at least occasionally go with me. Maybe that will help.

Now I find out that Medicare is going to cost me a lot more than I thought it was. It's going to be just a shade under what I'm paying for my current health insurance and there's no guarantee that it's not going to go up in price. So, if my wife should lose her job we're up shit creek without a paddle because I won't be insured at all.

I'm considering taking this diary offline because nobody reads this garbage anyway. I really don't know why I ever thought of starting it. I used to get a little feedback now and then but that stopped a long time ago.
I don't care, I really fucking don't give a flying shit!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Almost Feeling Normal Again!

Dear Diary,

It's Thursday night and the wife has tomorrow off. I'm feeling almost normal again.
The fatigue and depression seems to be lifting for a while. I am now convinced that these symptoms are from the ADT.
My feet and lower back are not bothering me too much either which really improves my energy level and mood.

The good news is that I'm drinking a lot less alcohol. I now only imbibe when the wife is home and we can drink together.

More good news. It is possible that I've found a reputable source for free or very low-cost dental care for both myself and the wife. There are a number of clinics offering 'donated' services to children and the elderly who cannot afford insurance and private care.
I'll be posting more on this as information becomes available.

As far as the weight problem goes, I'm giving myself a target of this coming Monday to get back on a proper diet. One thing I've gotta do is quit penalizing myself for overeating.
I guess it's a matter of finding something else to do besides eat!

Time to chill out and eat a little Mango ice cream. Lol!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Not Quite As "Blah" As Yesterday!

Dear Diary,

So...I'm not feeling quite as bad as yesterday but there's still a lot of mental fogginess and fatigue.
I'm about 99% certain that the ADT is the culprit. If this doesn't get too much worse over time, then it's liveable. There are still no hot flashes but I am getting more aches and pains than I used to.
Who knows, maybe it's all just the process of getting older. :(

Lots of lower back pain lately due to my increased weight. (279 up from 260) I seem to have become a carbohydrate junkie again. I just can't face going back on my keto diet right now!

Along with all this nonsense comes depression. When coupled with OCD, that can be a tough pill to swallow. I find myself thinking a lot about death lately and when and where this might occur. I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with it but it does cross my mind every day.
I suppose that is to be expected, given my age and a long list of medical issues.

I think I forgot to mention that I am now using a cane to facilitate ambulation. I picked one up at the local thrift shop for under $10 and it was exactly the right length! I find that using the cane virtually eliminates the sciatica pain that I've been having. My left leg is about 3/4" shorter than my right so it causes me to have a decided limp which, of course, aggravates the sciatica.

Well, it's high time I went to bed! Maybe tomorrow will be better.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Paradise Is Cold!

Dear Diary,

So it's been really cold here in Paradise for the past few days and I'm really feeling it! The generalized aches and pains are about the same as they usually are but it's the lower back pain that's really getting to me.
Sometimes it's so bad that I can barely walk around the house without feeling like my left leg is going to give out. My left leg is the one that's 3/4" shorter than the other.
I should have been wearing a lift all my life but I didn't and now I'm paying for it!
I've been told that wearing a lift at this point in my life wouldn't do any good so when it flares up I rely on good old acetaminophen.
Hopefully, I won't trash my best and only liver any more than it already is.

Got the results back from Monday's routine labs. All is well. :)

Still not back on my diet. My weight seems to have stabilized at 276 lbs. I've gone and gotten used to eating carbs again and that's contributing to my water weight gain.

The booze is pretty much under control. I now only drink when the wife is home on her days off so that's 5 out of 7 days I don't drink. Quite a change for me. LOL!

So much for Thursday night. I wish there was some football on!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Sunday Morning

Dear Diary,

It's Sunday morning and it rained last night here in Paradise. I wanted to get out and enjoy the weather a bit but my sciatica is really bad today. Having a hard time getting around, I am.

Watching New England vs Pittsburg and they're tied 7-7 right now. Don't even know who to root for since I like both teams! LOL!

Despite the ADT fatigue, I haven't experienced any of the nasties that guys are always complaining about. It's been nearly six months already and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I have been feeling mentally foggy lately but I've attributed that to too much booze but maybe that is another side effect. Well, I'm not gonna stop drinking just to prove it!. :)

As I said in another post some time ago, I'm going to try to post a little more often to try and share some of the smaller things that occur in my life day to day. Hopefully, it won''t be too boring!

Incidentally, I am very depressed about my diet lately. It seems I have very little willpower!
More on that later.

I'm also depressed because my Seahawks are getting CREAMED by LA! :(

The old body is starting to hurt so I'm outta here for now.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Weekend Ramblings

Dear Diary,

So... I'm sitting here outside the grocery store on Friday night waiting for the wife to get finished working so I thought I'd use this time to catch up on a few things.

Truthfully, there really hasn't been much to blog about over the past month or so.
As I mentioned before, I'm not really big on posting content just for content's sake.

We spent part of the day yesterday at St Joseph's getting another 6-minute walk test done. My performance was even better than the last time, much to my surprise!
I was able to walk just a shade under 400 m in 6 minutes so they were pleased.
I also had another cardiac ultrasound with bubbles like I had previously. I'm really not quite sure why. Dr. O, the pulmonologist wanted to repeat that specific test as the first one I had was negative.
They have decided to increase my diuretics based on the results of the last right heart cath recently.

Since they increase the diuretic dosages, I have been experiencing really wild weight swings, almost definitely related to water retention.
I'm also having quite a few nocturnal leg cramps which may be related to an electrolyte imbalance.
They've decided to have me get blood work done every two weeks for a while to monitor the electrolytes.
Hopefully, there isn't a problem as the diuretics are quite obviously helping the pulmonary hypertension when used in combination with the sildenafil.

I'm currently feeling alright most of the time with periodic bouts of fatigue which probably attributable to both my intermittent weight gain and loss and the side effects of Lupron therapy.

I'm still trying to stay as true as possible to the low-carb lifestyle but I admit I do find myself frequently cheating which is not in my best interest.
With this water weight issue going on, it is quite difficult to determine what my actual true weight is as it tends to fluctuate anywhere from 2 to 6 or more lbs. everyday.

It's now Saturday night and I'm sitting in the same place I was last night waiting for the wife to get off work so I decided to finish up this dictation.

I went way overboard on the diet again today but at least when I did, I kept the carbs to somewhat of a minimum.

Last but not least, I am clean and green to transition to Medicare this March!
This will remove a huge financial burden from the wife and me, especially as the continuing medical bills keep increasing down the road.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, November 26, 2017

A Few Updates

Dear Diary,
Things have actually been fairly quiet around here lately. For us, that's always nice.

Had an interesting experience recently. I had a routine follow-up with my GP a few days ago. You may recall from my last post that my angiogram in January was clean and green as far as coronary artery disease (CAD). Well, my GP was reviewing my chart, including my most recent right heart cath. when he casually noted that I had significant CAD. WTF??
I explained to him what he should have already known...that I was certified free of CAD in January but he said: "well, I'm just reading you what the report says".
I can tell you I was pretty upset at that news so on the way out, we stopped in at my cardiologist's office one floor down (I even took the stairs!).
We obtained a copy of my last procedure which did, in fact, indicate serious CAD.
By that time, I was nervous as hell! We left the office and were leaving the building when I took the time to look at the report one more time.
This time, I was lucid enough to actually look at the patient name and DOB. IT WASN'T ME!!!
It belonged to another patient of my cardiologist and had been scanned and missed by three separate offices.
Moral of story: ALWAYS be your own advocate and take the extra time to actually read your files and charts!

In other news, I've lost control of my weight again. I've gained 20 pounds over the past few weeks!
this is very depressing for me even if it is my own fault.
I'm going back on Atkins 20, induction phase tomorrow morning. I just don't understand why I keep backsliding and putting myself through pure hell.
I will get back to where I was but it's gonna take a while! :(

No updates on the status of the cancer as yet but we should know something in two or three weeks when I get the next PSA draw. Wish me luck! ;)

The Seahawks won against the 49ers tonight and the Cardinals beat the Panthers! I'm happy! :)

A final note: On October 18th, in the wee hours of the morning, our beloved kitty, Pumpkin finally passed away from old age. He peacefully expired on the floor at the foot of our bed.
Pumpkin was 20 years old and had been with us for 17 of those years.
We miss him terribly!

Pumpkin   1997-2017

We now have two new family members, Jordan and his sister Jesse!
Jordan and his sister are both 5 years old and respectively 20 and 15 lb! We got them a couple of weeks after pumpkin passed away because we felt we couldn't live without kitties.
As luck would have it, we got them from an elderly lady who was planning on moving to Florida with her family so she felt that she couldn't keep them anymore.
We are all in the continuous process of getting used to each other right now and we look forward to spending many years together.

Jesse (Top)                   Jordan (Bottom)

I'm sitting here outside the grocery store right now waiting for Karen to get through work then we're going to go home and have a cozy evening!

That's about it for tonight.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, October 22, 2017

I'm Still Here!

Dear Diary,

Well! It looks like I haven't posted anything for two months! Consider yourselves blessed.

The wife just had carpal tunnel surgery which appears to have been very successful. She is off work for up to six weeks and I'm encouraging her to take all of it. She deserves it.
When she returns, she should be able to do her job much more comfortably.

No idea what the damn cancer is doing. I'm not due for a PSA for 2 or 3 months. I've been on ADT for about three months now with no major side effects. Makes me wonder sometimes if it's working at all! The interesting thing is that the bladder bleeding stopped about a week after I began ADT and has never recurred. Weird!

I go for another right heart cath this Thursday to see how the PAH is responding to the sildenafil.
The PA pressure last time was a whopping 70. With any luck, maybe it has gone down a bit.

My weight is holding in the low 260s. I'm currently on another diet push to see if I can get to 250 this time. I went off plan for a few weeks out of boredom and gained a little weight back so now I'm back on the wagon. At least my diabetes and blood pressure are doing great and under tight control. :)

A bit of sad news.
Our beloved kitty, Pumpkin passed away peacefully of old age early Wednesday morning, Oct. 18th. He was here with us at the foot of our bed when he passed. As much as we miss him we know he is better off.
We had anticipated this as he was 20 years old. He was our fuzzy baby for 17 of those years.
R.I.P. Pumper!

Pumpkin 1997-2017
I'll update more as I think of it. Right now, I have a bout of fatigue setting in.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Odds & Ends

Dear Diary,

Well now, let's see. What's been going on here in Paradise lately?
Not too much which is why I haven't posted anything in a while.

The wife and I just got a nice, free, pre-owned Serta queen size mattress to replace the futon mattress that we've been sleeping on since we came to Arizona in '94. (no, it didn't come with pee stains)
We've both been sleeping better since. "Beggars can't be choosers".

Our 2002 Chevy S-10 just started leaking oil from the rear differential a couple of weeks ago.
Took it to a brand new garage that we just discovered. Turns out the pinion seal was bad. They had it fixed by the next day because they had a problem finding the part.
So, we got that fixed and finally got the oil changed (it's been a while) for a very reasonable price.
We will be using them from now on for anything I can't do.

Health wise, no noticeable side effects from the ADT (Androgen Deprivation Therapy) that I am on to slow or stop the progression of the cancer. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop but so far, I'm feeling fine with the exception of a little transient fatigue now and then.
I guess the more severe stuff comes on after months of treatment. I can wait! ;)

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I succeeded in losing 49 pounds over the past six or seven months. I've started cheating quite a bit lately, probably due to boredom with the menu, which bothers me. I've gotta get it under control soon before I start gaining again.
It's not an issue with quantity this time but more with what I eat.
Ketogenic dieting works but it is difficult. You really have to stick to the plan.

The bladder problem has at least temporarily resolved. There has been no pain or bleeding for several weeks. I'm still 100% incontinent but that will probably never change. It's just really nice to be able to take a vacation from blood clots and catheters for a while.

I can't really tell if the new stuff (sildenafil) is having an effect on my lungs or not. If there are changes, they are very subtle. I really need to remember to ask Dr. O what he expects as far as effects on the O2 saturation and what time frame we're looking at.
Regardless, I continue to very gradually improve which is unusual for arterial pulmonary hypertension. It's usually just the opposite.

*sips on a bourbon*

On another note, the wife has now signed on with my cardiologist (on my advice) for a baseline evaluation. She just had a Doppler ultrasound of her carotid arteries which was recommended by our optometrist. She has a 60% occlusion of the right carotid. Probably not a serious issue but why take the chance? We want to see how much this increases her risk for stroke.
She also has fairly severe carpal tunnel syndrome. We saw an orthopedic specialist today for an evaluation and she got a set of wrist braces. She will have a nerve conduction test in the near future and, depending on the results of that, be evaluated for possible surgery.

And with that, I'll sign off with one last comment. It is very obvious that we, (the world) are in the so-called 'end times' and we are very grateful to be on the way out and not on the way in!
Does that smack of religion? Not to this old boy! It smacks of reality.
We don't need religion or blind faith to see the obvious!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Officially In The 'Lupron Club'

Dear Diary,

Just got my first dose of Lupron yesterday, in the form of an injection in the butt. The area is a little tender but that should resolve shortly.
As mentioned previously, the goal here is to literally "starve" the cancer of testosterone in hopes that is will retard, or even stop the progression for a certain amount of time (the longer the better)!
The average effective range is 18 to 24 months, sometimes less and sometimes much more.
We will have to be content to wait and see.
There are a host of common yet unpleasant side effects associated with hormone therapy and I will be updating if and when they happen.
One of the more common ones is 'gynecomastia' or enlargement of the male breasts. I guess it's fortunate that I've always enjoyed wearing women's apparel! LOL!

I got another Doppler Echogram done on the old ticker today. We need that to keep track of the progress (or lack thereof) of the myxoma. I will know the results of that in about a week. I really hope it hasn't progressed much because I'm still not ready for surgery.

Things are looking much better with the lungs. I was prescribed sildenafil at my last visit to my pulmonologist but haven't been able to get it filled yet due to an unexpected pre-auth.
Apparently, the stuff is really expensive!
Sildenafil is a potent vasodilator and we hope it will be able to relax and open up my pulmonary arteries resulting in at least a modest reduction in pulmonary arterial pressures.

I think I'm gonna go lie down for a little while 'cause I'm getting fatigued

More dirt later!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Some Good News For A Change!

Dear Diary,

So, it's been an eventful past couple of days!

On Wednesday, we saw Dr. M, my cardiologist for a routine follow-up. He is pleased with my progress with my weight and the respiratory issue. We are going to schedule another Doppler echocardiogram for this coming week to check on the size of the myxoma. My last one was about a year ago. The new information will help organize our priorities regarding the heart surgery.

Today, (Thursday) I went to St Joe's for a six-minute walk test and pulmonary function testing.
Apparently, I did very well and there is an improvement from the previous testing 4 months ago.
It was also officially confirmed that I have lost 30 pounds! They were impressed.

After the testing, we met with Dr. O, the pulmonologist to go over the game plan.
He is finally going to start treating the pulmonary hypertension with drugs. We have been waiting a long time for that.

We are going to start with low dose sildenafil aka Viagra as a first line treatment and see if we get a good response. If we do, they will do another right heart cath to check the pressures.
The goal here is to actually reverse this process that is causing the PH. I hope he's right because PH is usually a chronic progressive condition and not reversible.
Cardiac and pulmonary auscultation was unremarkable save for a few fine crackles in the left base.

*sips on a neat bourbon*

As far as the cancer goes, I'm about 2 1/2 weeks into bicalutamide (Casodex®) to see if we can reign in the horses that have escaped the barn. I expect to be starting leuprolide (Lupron®) in about a week.
This is not a cure but it could theoretically delay the onset of metastases and hopefully buy me a few more years.

Any chance of a cure is no longer on the table but long term control is very possible. I am always grateful that I am a Gleason 7 and not a 8, 9 or 10. My heart goes out to those who are.
At this stage, pain control is not an issue but I am very concerned with this current nonsense about opioid regulation. If I live long enough, eventually I will require them. If they become over-regulated, I may face the death my father had and I don't even want to go there!
For folks in my position, opioid drugs are our friends.

*sips a little more bourbon*

We are now into monsoon season here in Paradise with triple digits and high humidity. Hoping we'll get a little rain this year. Every year we seem to get less and less.
Outside conditions are less than optimal for any kind of exercise so, once again, I'm kind of confined to the house.

Well, enough for tonight. Keep the faith!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Joining The 'ADT Club'

Dear Diary,

A brief update to my last post.
Saw the Uro today and am now officially in 'Club ADT'.
Took my first dose of Casodex 50mg and have a follow-up appointment in 30 days.
At that time, we will start Lupron as well. I hope this will 'reign in the horses' for at least a good while.

As far as the bone scan, he agreed that there was nothing there that was obvious at the present time.
We talked about the merits of additional scans and his opinion was that yes, we could do that, and we would have additional information, however, the
treatment would be the same regardless of the results. Opinions?

Lupron will be about $1500 per injection twice a year. Insurance shouldn't have a problem covering that...I hope.
If they do, we will have to resort to bilateral orchiectomy to hopefully achieve the same goals.

It's not confirmed yet but it's apparent that I have graduated to stage 4 and there is no stage 5 so you figure it out.

* sips bourbon*

All I can really hope for now is that something else takes me out before the cancer does.

It's been a trying week as I am also suffering from excruciating lower back pain unrelated to the cancer. Got some Tramadol from the Uro so maybe that will help. The pain is wearing me out!

*sips more bourbon (no Tramadol involved)*

On the good side, my weight is closing in on 260lbs which is wonderful. I look and feel so much better. Even the wife notices! LOL!

Nothing more to say until I get depressed again.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Gone And Messed Myself Up Again!

Dear Diary,

I guess it's time to get off the benzos and booze. I'm up to 11 oz of bourbon/night combined with 2mg clonazepam just because my PSA doubled twice in three months. I'm sitting here at midnight wondering if and when I'm going to die and what that's going to be like.

It seems I'm failing every treatment they try and, to me, it looks like I'm going to follow in my father's footsteps, wasting away and screaming in intractable pain at the end.

With all that's going wrong, I'm never going to see my little granddaughter or my son and his wife which really depresses me.

We are now so far in debt that we will never come close to paying it off in our lifetimes.

Below are some pics of those who I may never see again.

My granddaughter, Arabella

My son Chris, my daughter in law Abbie and guess who.
Really sorry for the depressing post but I am trying to get myself and my beloved wife and family ready for reality.
If anyone reading this thinks I am deliberately over-dramatizing my situation, please remember that I don't pay you to read this stuff. This is real life whether you or I like it or not.

Am I feeling sorry for myself tonight? No, just lonely and sad.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Short Update

Dear Diary,

Tonight will be a very short update. (the crowd goes bananas!)

I have a virtual shitload of labwork coming up on the 15th. It's possible that I have a bladder infection probably due in part to somewhat careless intermittent cathing. They're going to do a urine culture to see if there are bacteria in there. My urine has been more or less cloudy for weeks.

Other tests are a CBC and a PSA (standard edition). I'm hoping it has stayed relatively stable over the last three months.

I'm told that the other testing ordered by my pulmonologist is to make sure the new diuretic, spironolactone isn't trashing my kidneys.

More after I get the results back.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface