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Showing posts with label Living. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Living. Show all posts

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Another Fine Day...

Dear Diary,

Well, it's another fine day in this miserable,  godforsaken hellhole we call home.
Seem like nothing is going right today! 

I was almost killed by some dimwitted, asshole motorist who nearly sideswiped me as I left the grocery store after dropping the wife off for work.
I'm cleared on my left two lanes and am paused at the median checking the right. Thought I was all clear so I move out into the southbound lane and here comes this prick doing about 75 mph in a 45 mph zone and probably on his fucking cell phone.
I had at least 1000 feet clear on right and he comes straight at me. He could have easily changed lanes but instead, chose to lay on his horn and swerve around me with about a second to spare!
Just a typical scum of the earth asshole. Where the hell is my gun when I need it?

To top it all off, I'm out of sertraline and have been for about a week. The doctor was very late approving and faxing in a refill to Wal-Mart.
Consequently, I'm going through some SSRI withdrawal which includes some mild paranoia, tremors, and heavy tinnitus. I've been down this road before and it isn't pleasant!

I'm getting scared that I'm gonna die abruptly and leave my beloved wife alone.
She works so hard to keep us afloat for very little money. I owe her my very life.

So... how's your fucking day going?


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Not Quite As "Blah" As Yesterday!

Dear Diary,

So...I'm not feeling quite as bad as yesterday but there's still a lot of mental fogginess and fatigue.
I'm about 99% certain that the ADT is the culprit. If this doesn't get too much worse over time, then it's liveable. There are still no hot flashes but I am getting more aches and pains than I used to.
Who knows, maybe it's all just the process of getting older. :(

Lots of lower back pain lately due to my increased weight. (279 up from 260) I seem to have become a carbohydrate junkie again. I just can't face going back on my keto diet right now!

Along with all this nonsense comes depression. When coupled with OCD, that can be a tough pill to swallow. I find myself thinking a lot about death lately and when and where this might occur. I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with it but it does cross my mind every day.
I suppose that is to be expected, given my age and a long list of medical issues.

I think I forgot to mention that I am now using a cane to facilitate ambulation. I picked one up at the local thrift shop for under $10 and it was exactly the right length! I find that using the cane virtually eliminates the sciatica pain that I've been having. My left leg is about 3/4" shorter than my right so it causes me to have a decided limp which, of course, aggravates the sciatica.

Well, it's high time I went to bed! Maybe tomorrow will be better.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Tuesday, January 23, 2018


Dear Diary,

We went out this morning to get my Lupron injection and now, at the end of the day, I feel like I'm crashing and burning. Heavy fatigue and depression.
Lately, I've felt totally unmotivated and foggy minded. I can't even remember to take my meds and when I do remember, I find it hard to get up the ambition to take them!
Thank goodness for my wife as I'd be a basket case without her.
I am definitely losing control of my life. 

It feels like I'm observing life from a remote point rather than participating in it. I sure hope I'm not developing some kind of dementia in addition to everything else.
I find myself reviling the world and most of the people in it. It seems like humanity has gone stark, raving mad and is getting worse on a daily basis.

We both took a nice long nap this afternoon but it didn't seem to "reset" things for me the way naps usually do. I guess we'll just have to wait until tomorrow and see how I'm doing then.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Saturday, December 23, 2017

A Cold Depressing Saturday

Dear Diary,

It's a dreary, cloudy cold Saturday afternoon. Even the two cats are cuddled up together in their corner of the clothes closet. It looks very cute!

Yesterday's aches and pains seem to have subsided a little bit, at least enough that I didn't t need to take anything for them.

Got out this morning and took the wife to work them went to WalMart to pick up some groceries and prescriptions. Made it home safe despite the nutjobs on the road!

Feeling really sleepy now. Thinking of taking a nap. I think the cold weather has a lot to do with it.

Did anybody see the Space X launch from Vandenberg AFB last night around 1900hrs? Awesome!
I was coming home from the store and saw this weird smokey streak across the western horizon at an elevation of approx. 40 degrees. It moved slowly due south until I lost sight of it behind a nearby mountain.
I managed to record a short video of it on my cell phone. I didn't find out what it was until several hours later.
Here's a link to my video: Poor quality but you get the picture. (pun intended)
Space X Launch

OK...time to change my diaper! Life is good!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Paradise Is Cold!

Dear Diary,

So it's been really cold here in Paradise for the past few days and I'm really feeling it! The generalized aches and pains are about the same as they usually are but it's the lower back pain that's really getting to me.
Sometimes it's so bad that I can barely walk around the house without feeling like my left leg is going to give out. My left leg is the one that's 3/4" shorter than the other.
I should have been wearing a lift all my life but I didn't and now I'm paying for it!
I've been told that wearing a lift at this point in my life wouldn't do any good so when it flares up I rely on good old acetaminophen.
Hopefully, I won't trash my best and only liver any more than it already is.

Got the results back from Monday's routine labs. All is well. :)

Still not back on my diet. My weight seems to have stabilized at 276 lbs. I've gone and gotten used to eating carbs again and that's contributing to my water weight gain.

The booze is pretty much under control. I now only drink when the wife is home on her days off so that's 5 out of 7 days I don't drink. Quite a change for me. LOL!

So much for Thursday night. I wish there was some football on!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Sunday Morning

Dear Diary,

It's Sunday morning and it rained last night here in Paradise. I wanted to get out and enjoy the weather a bit but my sciatica is really bad today. Having a hard time getting around, I am.

Watching New England vs Pittsburg and they're tied 7-7 right now. Don't even know who to root for since I like both teams! LOL!

Despite the ADT fatigue, I haven't experienced any of the nasties that guys are always complaining about. It's been nearly six months already and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I have been feeling mentally foggy lately but I've attributed that to too much booze but maybe that is another side effect. Well, I'm not gonna stop drinking just to prove it!. :)

As I said in another post some time ago, I'm going to try to post a little more often to try and share some of the smaller things that occur in my life day to day. Hopefully, it won''t be too boring!

Incidentally, I am very depressed about my diet lately. It seems I have very little willpower!
More on that later.

I'm also depressed because my Seahawks are getting CREAMED by LA! :(

The old body is starting to hurt so I'm outta here for now.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Odds & Ends

Dear Diary,

Well now, let's see. What's been going on here in Paradise lately?
Not too much which is why I haven't posted anything in a while.

The wife and I just got a nice, free, pre-owned Serta queen size mattress to replace the futon mattress that we've been sleeping on since we came to Arizona in '94. (no, it didn't come with pee stains)
We've both been sleeping better since. "Beggars can't be choosers".

Our 2002 Chevy S-10 just started leaking oil from the rear differential a couple of weeks ago.
Took it to a brand new garage that we just discovered. Turns out the pinion seal was bad. They had it fixed by the next day because they had a problem finding the part.
So, we got that fixed and finally got the oil changed (it's been a while) for a very reasonable price.
We will be using them from now on for anything I can't do.

Health wise, no noticeable side effects from the ADT (Androgen Deprivation Therapy) that I am on to slow or stop the progression of the cancer. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop but so far, I'm feeling fine with the exception of a little transient fatigue now and then.
I guess the more severe stuff comes on after months of treatment. I can wait! ;)

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I succeeded in losing 49 pounds over the past six or seven months. I've started cheating quite a bit lately, probably due to boredom with the menu, which bothers me. I've gotta get it under control soon before I start gaining again.
It's not an issue with quantity this time but more with what I eat.
Ketogenic dieting works but it is difficult. You really have to stick to the plan.

The bladder problem has at least temporarily resolved. There has been no pain or bleeding for several weeks. I'm still 100% incontinent but that will probably never change. It's just really nice to be able to take a vacation from blood clots and catheters for a while.

I can't really tell if the new stuff (sildenafil) is having an effect on my lungs or not. If there are changes, they are very subtle. I really need to remember to ask Dr. O what he expects as far as effects on the O2 saturation and what time frame we're looking at.
Regardless, I continue to very gradually improve which is unusual for arterial pulmonary hypertension. It's usually just the opposite.

*sips on a bourbon*

On another note, the wife has now signed on with my cardiologist (on my advice) for a baseline evaluation. She just had a Doppler ultrasound of her carotid arteries which was recommended by our optometrist. She has a 60% occlusion of the right carotid. Probably not a serious issue but why take the chance? We want to see how much this increases her risk for stroke.
She also has fairly severe carpal tunnel syndrome. We saw an orthopedic specialist today for an evaluation and she got a set of wrist braces. She will have a nerve conduction test in the near future and, depending on the results of that, be evaluated for possible surgery.

And with that, I'll sign off with one last comment. It is very obvious that we, (the world) are in the so-called 'end times' and we are very grateful to be on the way out and not on the way in!
Does that smack of religion? Not to this old boy! It smacks of reality.
We don't need religion or blind faith to see the obvious!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Saturday, May 06, 2017

Suspenders With Diapers

Dear Diary,

Did I mention that I've taken to using dress suspenders to hold up my diapers? It works quite well until they get so saturated that I can't sit down without making a mess. (at least it's usually just pee!)

Admittedly, it does feel a little weird, especially when I feel obligated to explain to folks the reason I'm wearing dress suspenders on my bare skin under my shirt, but they seem to get the point rather quickly. 
I started using suspenders after having my shorts drop off and slide down my legs a couple of times in the middle of the grocery store! Not the best way to meet new potential friends!  Lol!

If any of you have what you think might be a better solution, I'm all ears.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Sunday News

Dear Diary,

Today, I start the new drug, spironolactone, for the pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH). It will probably take a few days to a couple of weeks before it becomes clinically active.
The docs, especially Dr. O, seem to feel that I'm nor fully "dried out" yet so this is another diuretic to be taken daily in conjunction with Lasix™. We'll see what happens.

I have an appointment set up for a routine PSA blood draw on 5/15 and one on 5/16 to see my new optometrist. It's been forever since I last had my eyes checked and I can't see worth a shit so I guess it's about time.

Tomorrow, I'm going to call my health insurance company and see if they can tell me if my annual deductible has been met. I find it hard to believe that it has but certain providers have not been charging the usual $50 co-pay that applies to specialists. One even said that it had been met.
If it has been paid, this would be a financial windfall for us this early in the year. I have a lot of large medical expenses coming up and that would greatly offset the financial hit.

General overall health is not remarkable so far. No disasters. (knock on wood!)

I'm sort of dreading this coming month. Our '72 S-10 is due for emissions testing and this year, it has a leak somewhere in the system. If they pick that up on inspection, the truck won't pass and the repair costs will most likely tap our coffers big time! We are trying very hard to save a little bit here and there for just such emergencies but it's very difficult on an income of SS + 1 part time job.

Oh well, I guess that's what growing old in America is all about nowadays!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, March 05, 2017

Back To Bourbon And Bitching

Dear Diary,

Well, howdy there! Feeling a little chatty here after imbibing on bourbon and a couple of 'benzos',
Don't recommend it for the kiddies unless you really want to shut 'em up bur it works for me. Lol!

Managed to blast my diet into oblivion at the local Dunkin' Donuts® with the wife and some close friends. Yep! I still have a couple of friends. They're just waiting till I die hoping there's something in my will for them! There are going to be sadly disappointed.

The wife is at work and I miss her badly! I get very lonely without her. I spend a lot of time wondering what I'm gonna do if she croaks before me.

*takes long sip of booze*

I'll tell ya one thing though, the very next person who has the balls to suggest that I find Jesus, they're gonna meet him right then and there! This is "people hating day" for me. Outside my extended family, there are only 4 or 5 people that I actually consider 'friends'.
I'm really happier on my laptop than I am with most people, besides, my laptop doesn't drink and has absolutely no problem with consensual sex.

*more booze, no sex...yet*

I've never seriously considered suicide. Suicide is for losers and cowards, neither of which seems to fit my persona. I actually regard my declining health and eventual death as more of an adventure than a threat.

All my life, I've never 'fitted in' the way most people seem to do. In my youth, I was always skipping school in favor of escaping into the woods on the nearby hills of the New York Southern Tier where I spent most of my ten years. I also spent a good deal of time on the nearby river as I had a wooden rowboat which I had purchased from a friend.

I was tormented and frequently beaten in school for being different. I didn't want to fight or engage with my peers. Most of my friends were adults. By the time I was 16 and moved to Rochester, NY, my spirit was pretty much broken. It is only over the past couple of decades that that has started to improve.

Over the course of my 64 years on this God forsaken planet, I have gone through four wives and managed to survive on menial employment.


*more booze*

How do you think you would feel if you walked around all fucking day in wet diapers because of lack of bowel and bladder control?
How would you feel if you peeing and pooping blood all the time?
How would you feel if the only way to control your weight was  to give up most of what you enjoy eating?
What if you had active cancer gradually eating away at your body and you have no clue where it is or what can be done about it?
What if you depended on up to three liters of oxygen, 24/7 to get you through the day, wheeling a tank around with you wherever you go due to pulmonary hypertension?
What if you had a benign tumor in your heart which could embolize or metastasize at any time potentially causing stroke, death or both.
What if your medical team didn't want to do open heart surgery until my lung function was improved?
What if you had Type ll diabetes?
What if you had no sexual function whatsoever and never would again?
What if you had to take 14+ drugs every day at the correct times?
How would you feel if it was fairly certain that you would probably not live more than another five years, if you were lucky and you had fucking funeral homes sending you propaganda,

I'm out of here for tonight,

R.I.P. Chris Hitchens, You died well and not in vain!

*more booze, fuck it, I say*


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Just Talking To Myself ;)

Dear Diary,

I'm bored today. The wife is at work and I'm here just putzing around on the Internet. The cat is asleep as usual so I'm all by myself.

I got a real nice, encouraging e-mail from one of my long time followers. I was beginning to think that nobody reads this diary anymore. I do admit it's gotten a bit repetitive of late. That's what happens when you get old and start losing it! Lol!

The rain has stopped for a while and it's real nice outside. I want to get out and walk around the neighborhood but I'm worried that I might get mugged, what with being on the oxygen and all.
The 'hood' has been going downhill crime wise for at least 2 or 3 years now.
The wife and I had a bit of a scare recently. We were out walking around the block shortly after dark when a car with a 'Papa John's logo pulled up right beside us. The driver got out and came over and started talking to us. Had me worried that he might want to take advantage of an elderly couple, especially with the man disabled.
Turns out he wanted to pray with us! Christian fanatics...gotta love 'em! I should have tried to extort him by saying that I'd report his behavior to his boss if he didn't give us free pizza!

The wife gets home around 7:00 pm and she's picking up a nice Merlot that we can enjoy this evening. I decided to knock off the bourbon for a while till the time comes when I really need it.
My Doc frowns on my constant requests for Fentanyl /IVpush. I have no idea why!   ;)

I've started using the new scented O2 based on aromatherapy. I find I'm pretty much hooked on 'Pumpkin Spice'!

On another note, I'm hoping that my health will have improved enough by September that I might be able to actually get out and go dove hunting. This is assuming I can even afford a license, what with the ongoing medical expenses we have to deal with.
I really miss being able to get out there in the desert, in the quiet, away from the city. The wife and I used to spend hours out there enjoying nature and then come home with a limit of delicious doves.
Hell, I'd love to be out there even if I wasn't hunting!

*gets up and turns on 'Lava Lamp'™*

Well, it's almost 8:00 now and the wife is still at the store. I put out a steak for dinner and it's calling to me. As I type this, she just sent me a text saying she's on the way home so it will be about ten minutes. Now I'm happy!

Our cat is now on my desk enthusiastically licking my file folders. He is the equivalent of  95+ in human years. I hope I don't start doing that when I'm that old! I'll stick to licking the windows on the 'short bus'.   ;)

I don't usually talk politics on here but I sure am concerned about what's going on with the new administration, especially health care/insurance. I'm eligible For Medicare benefits and the way things seem to be going, I'm not even sure it's going to be there for me!
I just hope the Republicans can get their act together, at least enough to replace the ACA with an equivalent or better plan. People like me are counting on it.
Personally, I think the new administration is moving way too fast on addressing critical issues, but, time will tell.

*pours another glass of wine*

The next update will be when I get home from the hospital on Monday...(and the crowd goes "ahhhhhhh". Yeah...I'm nuts, I know.

I guess I've rambled on enough for one evening so I'll sign off here.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Tuesday, January 03, 2017

Relevant Ramblings

Dear Diary,

It's been a rough week here in Paradise for yours truly. The weather has been cold and rainy for the most part and my aches and pains are killing me! :( It's mostly my lumbar area and my middle and upper back.
I feel like all my muscles are stiff and heavy (no surprise there!) It's the worst just before I get up in the morning so it's costing me some sleep time.
I'm trying to avoid taking any OTC meds for it because I'm on so many other drugs.
I guess I'll just turn up the heat a bit and wait till the weather changes.

*sips wine and feels sorry for himself*

The bladder bleed is making the rounds again for some obscure reason. That's another thing that's making me depressed. I just feel like a walking disaster area!
I just go day to day, room to room followed by a 50 foot O2 line. I can no longer do any of the things I enjoyed before I became ill and that hurts... a lot.
I'm starting to lose faith that the "miracles of modern medicine" are going to get me through this.
Even if my lungs do get better, I still have that goddamned ticking timebomb that is the myxoma sitting there in my heart. How the hell did I ever get that?

*more wine*

I can't believe Karen is hanging in with me through all this. She came from an entirely different lifestyle and yet she has been my rock for 25 years now. Imagine living 24/7 with a totally disabled,dysfunctional individual.
Sometimes, I think I have driven her crazy. My wife is a saint and I will love her forever.

*pours second glass of wine, (yes, it's cheap)*

Lately, I'm finding myself more and more preoccupied with my own mortality, especially at night when I ought to be asleep. I meditate on what to expect when my final moments arrive.
I want to die well, as the saying goes yet I'm not quite sure how to do that.
It's really not the state of non-existence that concerns me but the way I get there does. Am I doomed to suffocate to death? What is that like? I want a peaceful death, in the hospital where they can control the process somewhat.
I keep thinking that I might rather have the cancer take me rather than the lung disease. For some weird reason, dying by cancer seems preferable to slow suffocation.

I want my mommy! ;)

Do I seem creepy? I hope not but if I do, I can redily understand why. I don't fit into society like other people do. I never have. I've never really wanted to.
Ever since I started school I have been considered weird to people that don't know me well. They seem to see me as someone to avoid. Over the years, I have learned to accept this but it still bothers me when I see in someone's eyes that I scare them. Ok, enough of that!

I really miss my son and daughter-in-law. I am often afraid that I won't ever see them in person again.
I don't think they really believe that I love them both. I fear that I won't see my little grand-daughter again. Time passes so quickly!

Oh well, the wine is taking it's toll and it's time to go.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Odds And Ends

Dear Diary,

It's been a pretty good day here in Paradise. I got to talk to my son and his wife on Skype today. They are in Italy for minimally four years courtesy of the USAF.
Apparently they are having the time of their lives. Tried to have a conversation with my soft little granddaughter but she was too intent on harassing her daddy to pay too much attention to me. ;(

My Granddaughter Arabella
The bladder bleed is back and quite a nuisance. If I can get back with my last urologist after the new year, we will address this issue once again.

*sips on a glass of red wine*

Feeling a little lonesome at the moment. The wife is at work until 10:00pm and I miss her. At least I had enough energy to get the dishes done tonight!
Tomorrow is going to be somewhat hectic because I've gotta spend what will probably be a great deal of time on the phone with healthcare providers.

Did I mention that I got clearance to wean off the Prednisone? This is a good thing! I will titrate down from 10mg to nothing over the next couple of weeks. It's been a smooth ride so far but I'll be glad to be off it. It might even make it a little easier to lose some weight.

Does anyone need some humor lately? I know I do! With that in mind, here is a cool collection of Donald Trump jokes to give a chuckle in the wake of the election.
Who knows, it might even keep visitors on my page longer! Lol!

Donald Trump has announced that now he’s been elected President he’s going to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
Now that Donald Trump has been elected President, there’ll be hell toupĂ©e.
Donald Trump getting elected President has already had a positive effect on the economy.
Sales of alcohol have never been higher.
Now that Donald Trump’s becoming president, I’m going to Mexico.
Not by choice though…
What is Donald Trump’s favorite nation?
Donald Trump labelled Hillary Clinton “disgusting” for taking a bathroom break during the recent Democrat debate.
Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the crap just comes straight out of his mouth.
My friend said to me, “I hear the FBI have foiled a terrorist plot to kill Donald trump.”
“What, a suicide bomber? ” I asked.
“No, a surface to hair missile.”
Donald Trump has announced that he’s going to ban wind farms now he’s been elected.
He really needs to keep his hair on.
I’d make a political joke…
But it would just end up being elected President.
Donald Trump is going to be the next president, but the real winner is Melania Trump.
Now she can call herself the First Lady instead of the Third Wife.
Why did Donald Trump secretly not want to win the election?
Because now he’ll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
What does Melania see in Donald Trump?
10 billion dollars and high cholesterol.
What do Donald Trump and the iPhone 7 have in common?
They both think de-porting is the answer when there’s no more Jobs.
How much is Donald Trump’s life insurance?
Just one Pence.
“You’re telling me I’m losing my job because Trump won the election? Why, because I’m black?!?”
“Mister President, we’ve been over this…”
Donald Trump is visiting an elementary school one day.
In one of the classes, they’re in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings.
The teacher asks Trump if he’d like to lead the discussion of the word “tragedy.”
He agrees to do so and asks the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and says, “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” says Trump, “That would be an accident.”
Next a little girl raises her hand and says, “If a school bus carrying forty children went off a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”
“No, I’m afraid not,” says Trump. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”
The room goes silent for a while as no other children volunteer.
Trump looks around the room and says a little testily, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
At last, a little boy at the back of the class raises his hand and says, “If a private jet carrying you, Mr Trump, was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” shouts Mr Trump, “That’s exactly right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says the boy, “Because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”
Now Donald Trump has been elected as President, he’ll be the first man to use fake tan inside the Oval Office.
Clearly, orange is the new black.
What happens when you take a joke too far?
The 45th President of the United States of America.
A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Police says it’s impossible to tell if it was done by Trump’s opponents or his supporters.
How many Donald Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
Look, we can change the light bulb. That I will tell you. We’re changing it, ok? And I understand what you’re saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say “Is the light bulb really dead?”. That’s what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The light bulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.
Donald Trump’s foreign policy:
If you mess with the USA, there’ll be hell toupee.
How does Donald Trump plan on deporting illegal immigrants?
Juan by Juan.
Donald Trump has done more than anyone to promote equality…
He’s equally hated by blacks and Hispanics.
In a recent survey, 70% of Americans responded that Donald Trump being elected has made them nervous.
The other 30% said it will make them Canadians.
Donald Trump has announced that now he’s been elected, he’s going to put a wig on the Presidential plane and call it Hair Force One.
If Donald Trump becomes President, it won’t be the first time he’s kicked a black family out of their home.
I just found out Donald Trump is running for President as a Republican.
I thought he was running as a joke.
Do you want to hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
 Courtesy: LaffGaff


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Friday, September 02, 2016

Today's Pulmonary Appointment

Dear Diary,

The appointment with the pulmonary tech was pretty uneventful. She recommended I go back on the steroid inhalation powder for the next two weeks to see if it resolves the tickling in the upper chest.
She gave me two sample boxes the last time I saw her. (Free is good!) I've used it before to see if it would affect the dyspnea. It did not. We'll see if it works for this.

We scheduled a 'body box' test for the 7th. This will assess my current lung capacity. This is not to be confused with a 'body bag', ROTFL!! I have had one of these before. (Not a body bag, a body BOX!)

Here's What It Looks Like.

We will have a follow-up appointment on the 16th.

We also scheduled an 'ABG', (arterial blood gas) test because the one I had months ago may have been incorrectly done. The blood draw was done on O2. It should have been drawn on room air.
Buncha clowns over there, I say!

Her highness, the tech, explained to us that the primary mortality issue in my case is is whether I can breathe on my own when I come out of anesthesia. According to her, if I can't, they will simply keep me mildly sedated and intubated until I can.
She said that unless I have had a bad experience with anesthesia before, which I have not, that scenario would be highly unlikely.

I guess that sums up today's action pretty well. Wishing everyone a safe and happy Labor Day Weekend!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Short Update On Plans

Dear Diary,

This entry is actually more to keep your attention than anything else. I know how incredibly boring a lot of these cancer diaries can be (including mine)!

Tomorrow, the wife and I have an afternoon sit down with my cardiologist to get an updated  Doppler for comparison and find out if these two jokers have made any progress as to locating a high risk cardiothoracic surgeon who will even consider touching me. Time is not on my side here and I have begun to make plans proactively lest things turn out less than favorably.

My life has been a disaster of my own making for most of my 63 years. Since we were married 23 years ago, All these years, I have restricted Karen's progress in most of her interests. She has reciprocated by supporting and assisting me in all of my endeavors.
My feeble attempts at returning the endless gifts she has selflessly given me cannot be repaid in either of our lifetimes.

I do not know how give and express real love for another person yet my wife gives love unconditionally, without expecting reward. I am in awe of that!
I truly owe her my life. If there really was a Heaven, and if she was amenable, I would surely want her by my side for all eternity.

I love you, Karen under all circumstances, for all of eternity.


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Weekend Stuff

Dear Diary,

We managed to finally get that CT scan we were waiting for done yesterday so the pulmonologists can compare it with the previous one.
Managed to get it done in hospital as an outpatient which means they can roll the co-pays into our ever expanding payment plan.
Now, I just need to reschedule with Dr J on Monday. Hopefully I can get something fairly soon as I'm getting more and more concerned about this heart surgery thingy the longer I have to wait.

Got my lab work done on Thursday for my appointment with Dr E on Monday. This will include a standard PSA which, no doubt will bring bad news.The worst case scenario will be if it has doubled from 0.8 three months ago to 1.6 now. If it has, I may be in deep tapioca.
Regardless of what it is, I will be setting up an appointment with Dr Y, my RO as soon as possible.
I'm having a really hard time coordinating all this crap that's going on with me so I am very thankful for my wonderful wife who does practically everything for me.

For those of you who are placing bets on when I will die and what will be the immediate cause of death, I would put my money on this respiratory issue of unknown etiology. The immediate cause will probably be cerebral hypoxia due to or as a consequence of atypical pneumonia. Big words, deal with it!

Good thing I still have access to booze!


"Every day above ground is a good day".  -- Scarface

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Father's Day

Dear Diary,

Ironically, this was also the day that I received my initial diagnoses of prostate cancer back in 2012.

Guys, get yourselves checked by a competent urologist on a regular basis.
Don't wait till it's too late like my father did.  :(

If not for you, then do it for your loved ones.


Sunday, March 13, 2016

Catching Up On The Past Few Days

Dear Diary,

I haven't posted in the past few days so I'm going to try to catch up a little bit.

We visited Dr. F last Thursday, the visit went well. He was very pleased that I hadn't had any bleeding since the 19th of last month and we set a date for six months for my next appointment.
I will have my PSA draw done in 30 days and we'll review that at that time.

The weekend is gone reasonably well with the main complaint from me being excessive tiredness. The pollen count here is skyrocketing. It's about a 10.5 out of 12. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with way I'm feeling.

Today, I've been beset with excessive bowel activity,  to put it politely. I figure I've gone at least four to five and possibly six times today.
We are entertaining the idea that this may be a side effect of one of the powerful antibiotics that I was taking while  was in the hospital.
Apparently one of them can have side effects up to 2 months after cessation of therapy.
Hopefully this condition will be self-limiting and we can get back to normal after another couple of weeks.

The highlight of the day was I had a nice chat with my son who is currently overseas in Italy for the next four years. This family has been beset with a local virus and has been miserably sick for the past week or two. Fortunately,  my son has managed to avoid this, probably because he's already been there and done it.
They had to skip over to Germany recently and that's where they seem to have picked up the virus.
It looks like everything's under control now and on its way back to normal.

I see the pulmonologist in another three and a half weeks. I have a lot of questions. Although I don't seem to be backsliding, I don't feel like I'm making much forward progress. This is distressing to someone like me. It's about time that we started getting clear-cut answers as to what is actually wrong with me. I guess I can deal with bad news but no news is a pain in the ass.