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Wednesday, July 29, 2015

More Fun Times

Date: 2015-07-29 21:36:18

Well, here's something different as far as news to post. I'm in the hospital for tonight and possibly part of tomorrow for an unspecified heart condition.

It started out about 30 hours ago and turned into a type of a irregular heartbeat.
I have no idea what started this but hopefully things are going to be alright. Part of the problem was I may have been significantly dehydrated.

I'll make an effort to post more updates tomorrow when I know a little bit more about what's going on.


Saturday, July 25, 2015

Back Again

Date: 2015-07-25 01:45:45

I haven't written anything in a few days because I've been SICK!
That UTI issue from the last entry is still there and may in fact be a kidney stone after all. I'll just have to keep a close eye on it. Very annoying!
On top of that, it seems that both the wife and I got some kind of low grade  intestinal bug, almost at the same time.That would account for the round the clock diarrhea I've been having.That problem is resolving slowly.
I've actually lost about four pounds over the past few days because of that.Got to remember to drink more water. We've both just been hiding away from the world while this passes.
Gonna go watch a movie on TV now. Also nearly time for dinner.

More later as I feel like it.


Monday, July 20, 2015

Doctor Appointment Update

Date: 2015-07-20 18:59:32

Dear Diary,
Went to see the doc today as promised. It appears that I may not have a urinary tract infection after all.
It's remotely possible that I might just be dehydrated.
That wouldn't be a heck of a surprise, considering how much alcohol I generally drink!
Other than that, she seems very happy with all the other results that I presented to her. She is going to forward the physician's certification for medical marijuana on Dr E. We'll see where that goes from here.

* sips bourbon and laughs *

Sitting on the back porch dehydrating again, lol. It's a bit hotter tonight than it was last night but its still nice.

Well, that's about all I can think of the new right now. More later. I know y'all are holding your breath.


Sunday, July 19, 2015

Sunday Night In Paradise

Date: 2015-07-19 19:59:13

Dear Diary,
Well, temperatures around this area are actually low enough that we've been sitting out on our back patio again. This is a real treat. We were supposed to have thunderstorms today but nothing showed up which is also nothing unusual.

My daughter in law and I were supposed to have our "important conversation" tonight but my son texted me and said that she had had a stressful week. I decided that it was probably better not to go into the subject after a stressful week so I let her slide for tonight.

On another note, what appears to be a urinary tract infection appears  to be getting slightly worse. I'm glad I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow.

I'm sure they'll be some interesting updates in the coming week. Hopefully nothing bad!


Medical Update

Date: 2015-07-18 04:13:01

I think I may be getting a urinary issue. Possibly a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection).
Frequency and extreme urgency, little volume = Problem.
I see my GP this Monday so I'll let her know then.
I really hope it's not related to the cancer.


Thursday, July 16, 2015


Date: 2015-07-16 04:40:18

I think I've finally come to grips with my own mortality.Nobody alive today gives a flying shit how or when I die or what my quality of life is.

Well guess what...neither do I!

Good advice for the rest of humanity.The whole damn world has gone off the deep end and I'm really glad to be going out instead of in.
I feel so sorry for those I leave behind.


Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Skype Tonight

Date: 2015-07-14 23:58:59

My kid is down in Texas at Sheppard AFB for some pre-relocation training.We're supposed to Skype tonight at 6:00PM. We'll see how THAT goes.
I want information about how things are going with his marriage but at the same time, I don't want to stress him out any more than he already is.
Feeling less out of sorts tonight. We still have a lot of monsoon weather around us. Maybe that has something to do with it.

10:44 PM: Had the conversation with the  kid. (2.5 hours!) Hopefully, I made my point.He says he is going to have the wife call me. Personally, I doubt that will happen. We'll see.


My Poor Poor Diet! ;)

Date: 2015-07-14 01:40:07

I just restarted my diet program again.
This will be the third time is as many months.I use an online calorie counter/diet journal to log what I eat. It works real well when I remember to use it. Ive been really lacking motivation in that department lately and I've got to get back to where I was a few weeks ago.If I can't motivate myself better than this,I'll be at 300 pounds again in no time!
I've been feeling out of sorts for a while now and I think it's due to my obsessing over my son's marital problems.
He is career Air Force and just recently returned home from deployment overseas.
As soon as he got home, his wife left their baby daughter with him and went to the Thousand Islands to spend a week with an "old friend"...a guy!
She told my son that she needed time to re-evaluate her relationship with him. Needless to say, he was devastated. Upon returning home, she said that she really does love him and wants them to remain together.
I think the whole thing stinks.
He is now being transferred to a base in Italy for four years. The whole family will move. Their relationship seems to be stable so far but I believe a seed has been planted that will eventually choke out their marriage unless she opens up and discusses the matter.
She won't speak to me at all now which seems to lend at least some credence to my suspicions.
My son chooses to believe (by virtue of blind faith) that nothing happened and she was faithful to him.

I don't get it.


Monday, July 13, 2015

Two Kitties??

Date: 2015-07-13 05:04:52

It appears that we may now have two (2) semi-feral kitties on our porch!
It is young adult gray tiger with white paws, sex unknown.

Stay tuned!


Friday, July 10, 2015


Date: 2015-07-10 02:21:19

Nothing really newsworthy tonight except that it looks like we lost our little, stray Siamese cat, Dewpoint.
We haven't seen him now for two days so I suspect he's either run off or died.It's a rough time of year here to be a stray.

*sips bourbon*

Fixed the air conditioning on my van today. Now I don't have to ride around in triple digit temperatures. That gets old fast!
9:33 PM: Just did a bowl and getting sleepy.


Thursday, July 09, 2015


Date: 2015-07-09 01:12:50

Saw Dr. Y today.
Talked with him about slight rise in PSA numbers.He is not at all concerned. He noted that there isn't even a valid trend either way. I feel a little better.We also mapped out a plan for my future checkups until I can get back with Dr. K.
We will do PSA every six months and he will handle my care at least until my insurance changes.
After the appointment with Dr. Y, the wife and I went down to check out one of our local weed-marts. Interesting place.
We decided NOT to apply for a card right then because they wanted $200 to do the paperwork. I can do it myself online for a fraction of the cost. Dr. E just needs to fill out the physician certification which I will hopefully pick up at his office.
More exciting news to keep you on the edge of your seat later. ;)
Right now, it's HAPPY HOUR!


Tuesday, July 07, 2015


Date: 2015-07-07 23:26:59

Feeling a little depressed this after noon. Really don't know why. It's been creeping up since about lunchtime. Probably the OCD rearing it's ugly head again.
It's hot as snot outside (104°) and I really feel like just spending the entire after noon napping.
Tomorrow, we see Dr.Y at 11:00 and then it's off to weed-mart to see what that's all about.
Maybe that will cheer me up.
I think I'll go lie down again!


Marijuana Continued...

Date: 2015-07-07 00:31:39

Wow! Today I got an unexpected surprise.
It turns out that Dr. E, my PCP (Primary Care Physician)is totally supportive of medical marijuana use.I had no idea.
His quote was millions of people die from opiate abuse. Nobody ever died from marijuana. I was impressed!
Apparently, his son works in a dispensary near us which REALLY took me by surprise.So it looks like we're going to get me a card! :)

*laughs out loud and does a bowl of Blue Dream*

Seriously though, this will no doubt be of immense help if things don't go well down the road.
Damn! Now I've prolly gotta get me another bong! I lost my first one decades ago. :(


Monday, July 06, 2015

I Must Be Getting Old!

Date: 2015-07-06 01:46:56

Went out and did some light landscaping today. Now I feel like I was run over by a truck! Every muscle in my body hurts!

*sips bourbon*

We're supposed to get a thunderstorm or two tonight. Maybe that's part of the reason I feel this way.
I go to see my RO (Radiation Oncologist)this Wednesday and I have a lot of questions for him. I have a feeling that we're just beginning another damn waiting game, at least for another 3 or 4 months.
We haven't even established a valid PSA upward trend yet.
I keep wondering what's going to happen if I wind up on hormone therapy. Is it the beginning of the end? I have NO idea. All cases are unique.One thing IS for sure, I can't afford to gain any more weight!
ADT (Androgen Deprivation Therapy) is notorious for weight gain in a lot of people.

*sips more bourbon and sighs*

I'm also concerned that I won't be able to afford the kind of health insurance I need when we start utilizing the big guns that are still available to treat this.
Enough whining for tonight. Gotta go start supper.


Sunday, July 05, 2015

A cancer Patient's Thoughts On Death

Date: 2015-07-05 00:30:40

I think a lot about death. I always have. Not just my own mortality but everyone's and everything's.
It is not a morbid view but rather a study, sort of, in preparation of the eventual outcome of life.
Since joining the ranks of cancer patients in 2012, I find myself taking the study more seriously. As an Atheist and skeptic, I hold little value in a belief in an omnipotent deity or any kind of conscious afterlife nor do I believe in the supposed power of so-called blind faith.
Rather, I believe the answer to mankind's eternal quest for the answer to what happens to all living things after death is, in fact, far less complex than our scientists and philosophers would have us believe.
Our inability to perceive the truth is largely due to the fact that, because we are human and possess a much more sophisticated brain (most of the time) than the lower forms of conscious life, we are aware that we will eventually die. This fact is very hard for most people to accept.

"By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground,since from it you were taken for dust you are and to dust you will return." -- Genesis 3:19 

I strongly suspect that we tend to read much more into *ancient texts than what is really there, mainly for our own comfort.
I believe the real truth is that we simply return to what we were before we were created. NOTHING!
It is no surprise that we all have these beliefs. We have been indoctrinated in them since birth and it is rare for such indoctrination to be reversed.The religions of the world are responsible for this. Religion is one of the most effective means of controlling the masses.
When we say that we fear death,we generally are referring to the afterlife which, in all probability, doesn't exist.
If we are to fear anything, I would think it would be the physical process of dying rather than what one might find when they got there.
I think it's time we begin to entertain the idea that we have, in fact, ALWAYS been dead, or more correctly, non-existent.
Non-existence is the norm, conscious life is the exception, not the rule and this applies to ALL living things without exception. Conscious life, as we know it is merely a nanosecond in what we imagine as eternity. Even if we WERE recreated after death, we would never be aware of it or have any recollection of a past life at all as there is nothing left to store memories.

We will not miss life!

The Church holds that Man possesses an eternal soul. They also hold that all other living creatures are soulless.
I say NO living things have a soul and in the extremely unlikely event that souls DO exist, then ALL living things have one.
For me, the more I meditate on these things, the more I feel they're indeed correct.

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."  --Sigmund Freud


Saturday, July 04, 2015

Back From The Fireworks...Whoopee!

Date: 2015-07-04 06:14:32

We're back home and none too soon for me.
In a foul mood and really out of sorts. We stayed FAR longer than I figured due to the display being delayed due to rain. Way too late to even have dinner.It was also someone's birthday and I made the mistake of having a piece of cake so now my blood sugar is now 199. As a type 2 diabetic, I should know better!
I'm in one of those moods where no one around me can do anything right. I'll eventually get over it but I realize that, in the meantime, it takes a toll on all those around me. I think I'm starting to wear this cancer thing like a fucking badge. It's a good night to feel sorry for myself so I think I'll indulge!

*Goes and gets another bourbon*

I think I'm gonna stay up late tonight. Drink a little whiskey, blow a little weed. Life's a bitch, then you die,that's my motto.
Actually, it IS true that I generally like machines better than people. Machines are totally non-judgmental.This world is going to hell in a hand basket! Why? Because of people.

I have DEFINITELY outlived my time.


Happy Independence Day

Date: 2015-07-04 02:24:06

Feeling kind of achy tonight, what with all the monsoon weather around us.
Unfortunately, we committed to joining some old friends for fireworks tonight. Much rather stay home and be cozy.
Anyway, Happy Independence Day to all my millions of devout followers!


Friday, July 03, 2015

Random Thoughts On The Disease Process

Date: 2015-07-03 01:28:20

Now that I'm so to speak officially retired, I have a lot of time on my hands. For me, that can be good in a way. It gives me more time to come to grips with who I really am and how I relate to those around me.
When I recently found out that I am technically no longer in remission, I actually find a sense of relief. The other shoe has dropped. Now, when I go for my quarterly blood test, I pretty much know what to expect.
Previously, I figured I'd probably go bananas when I got the news. Funny how things like that work.

*Sips bourbon*

I still get furious when I see these pathetic posts from people proclaiming that they have beaten cancer. What a cruel joke, mostly because a lot of them really believe it! The very best those of us with any form of the disease can hope for is that we die WITH the disease and not OF it!

*Refreshes drink*

On another subject, did I mention that we now have a sweet little Siamese kitten getting room and board on our back porch? He is a drop and half feral and we never should have taken pity on him but we did.We named him Dewpoint and he appears to be a chocolate point.
He now has 24/7 food, water and shelter. We just can't officially adopt him because of the cost.I will update on occasion.


Wednesday, July 01, 2015

Finally...Some News

Date: 2015-07-01 01:00:25

It appears that I haven't made an entry since the latter part of 2014.Really didn't have much to say and the posts I DID make were getting really off topic and boring. (I know. I read them and went to sleep)!
Well, that seems to have changed.My PSA has remained at 0.2 for nearly two years now which was great because even though it should have been 0.1 after surgery, at least it wasn't rising.That appears to have changed.
Last test was last week and as of that time, it was 0.3. Unfortunately, this most likely means there is some active cancer somewhere in my body. Bummer!To make things even worse, my urologist/surgeon is no longer accepting my insurance and my radiation oncologist may follow soon.Problem is, I can't change insurance companies until open enrollment at the first of the year.
I could go outside the marketplace but there's NO WAY I could possibly afford the premiums ($700-$800/ month ) as I am now on Social Security and have four years till I can qualify for Medicare.What happens now pretty much depends on how fast the PSA is rising and where the remaining cancer is located, If they can even find out.
The good news is that I've lost a little weight and the diabetes is well controlled. Still drinking a bit much though.I will try to make regular updates as things unfold.It looks like it will be an exciting summer.



Date: 2015-07-01 17:30:33

It seems that Tommy Chong and I have more in common than I thought We're both old and ugly, we both have cancer and most importantly, we both love weed!(For those who may not know, Tommy Chong is the other half of the venerable comedy team,Cheech & Chong featuring Tommy and Cheech Marin.)Tommy was treated for prostate cancer in 2012 and has recently been diagnosed with rectal cancer (2015).
When I was in my early twenties, I was a real stoner, usually getting high once or twice a day, seven days a week. Did that for around ten years or so. At least that's what I remember, Lol!
I haven't smoked for several decades until recently when I came upon a source of really good weed (medical grade) and I find that it has improved dramatically since my last use. I only use it occasionally and in VERY small amounts (very expensive) and I find that it really helps quiet my mind before going to sleep at night.
I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to get my medical marijuana card. It is expensive and then you still have to pay high prices (pun intended)at a legal dispensary. It will probably depend on how the course of the disease goes and what the treatment options are.