I guess it's time to get off the benzos and booze. I'm up to 11 oz of bourbon/night combined with 2mg clonazepam just because my PSA doubled twice in three months. I'm sitting here at midnight wondering if and when I'm going to die and what that's going to be like.
It seems I'm failing every treatment they try and, to me, it looks like I'm going to follow in my father's footsteps, wasting away and screaming in intractable pain at the end.
With all that's going wrong, I'm never going to see my little granddaughter or my son and his wife which really depresses me.
We are now so far in debt that we will never come close to paying it off in our lifetimes.
Below are some pics of those who I may never see again.
|My granddaughter, Arabella|
|My son Chris, my daughter in law Abbie and guess who.|
If anyone reading this thinks I am deliberately over-dramatizing my situation, please remember that I don't pay you to read this stuff. This is real life whether you or I like it or not.
Am I feeling sorry for myself tonight? No, just lonely and sad.
"Every day above ground is a good day". -- Scarface